i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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