dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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