wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
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The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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