i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
