Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Vodka?
Forever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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