Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
