I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
