Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
