I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
