If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
