it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
