I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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