I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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