we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
