Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize