you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
