walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
