You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
