Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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