70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How naked do you want me to be?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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