This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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