Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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