Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
