"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
