I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
