physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
