I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
please come you make the beer taste better
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
