sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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