then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
