Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Randomize
