If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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