i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
