yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
