yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
