I'm jealous of your bromance
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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