I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
