I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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