oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
