oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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