1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
