Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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