you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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