JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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