She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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