Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
