I never want to see another naked old woman again.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
