Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
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I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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