The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
