put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
