This is not my ceiling
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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