when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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