She is in my trunk
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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