I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
