I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
