yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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