Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
