If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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