I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
