Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
