I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
