My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
