i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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