we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
