i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
