So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
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oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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