You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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