I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
