Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
