oh god the rape fog is back!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
