Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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